Trifecta Writing Challenge: The Staircase Dusters

Hello Dear Readers.  It’s time for the Weekly Trifecta Challenge!  This week the challenge was to write a story between 33 and 333 words using the third definition of the word, exhaust: 3a : to consider or discuss (a subject) thoroughly or completely    b : to try out the whole number of <exhausted all the possibilities>

The Staircase Dusters

“The palace was in uproar! The queen was sick!  Prince Charles twirled around clapping his hands and barking silly orders at the servants as though he were already King.

“You!” Charles pointed at one of the men dusting the staircase. “What are you doing?  There is no dust on that staircase!”

“But, sire, this is how our fathers dusted it before us, and how their fathers dusted it before them and how their fathers–

“Say no more, for I see where you’re going with this,” Charles said, for it was true — what was rumored about him –that he, Charles, was a man possessed of nearly average intellect.  “But the staircase hasn’t any dust upon it, nor can I recall that ever it has!”

“That’s because someone has been dusting it since its construction by  King Richard in The Year of Our Lord 6.

“Of course!   I was just testing you. Ha!” Charles motioned for his royal dresser to straighten his tie and dust a bit of royal dandruff, newly fallen, from his heir-apparent hair.

“Well, then!  Does anyone have the time?” Charles smoothly changed the subject for he was, as has been previously stated, a man of nearly average intellect.

The staircase dusters looked at one another in horror.

“What?”  Prince Charles asked, “I’m simply asking for the time?”

“But our singular duty is to dust this staircase as our father’s did before us and as their fathers did before them–”

“Stop!  I haven’t time for your histrionics!”  Prince Charles commanded. “Mother may die any minute, God willing.”

The staircase dusters gasped.  “Did you say God willing?”

“What? No I . . . well, what if I did?  Mother’s been ruling  61 years and, as such, has thoroughly exhausted every possible dictate and command imaginable!  I just want her to die?  Is that so wrong?”

“Charles!”

Charles froze –immediately recognizing the voice of his Mother — for Charles was, as previously stated, a man of nearly average intellect.

“Mom?”

Until next time . . . I love you

The Bible According to Gregory: The Battle of Jericho

Welcome Dear Readers to this Sunday’s Edition of the Bible According to Gregory. 

Let’s listen in and see what Gregory learned in Sunday School this morning shall we?  

The Battle of Jericho

When Moses was 900 years old, he died.  Nobody knows how or why but scholars believe it had something to do with his age.

As you know, God had given Moses his Top Ten List of Commandments on some stone tablets that Moses give to his assistant, Joshua, who the Lord planned to bump up to Moses’s position once Moses bumped off.

After Joshua’s promotion to Manager of the Israelites or the possibly the Canaanites — (people never really knew the difference even in those days and so how can we be expected to?).

The Lord then gave the his new Manager, Joshua, his first directive:

The Lord said to  Joshua, “Lead my people across the Jordan river. Once you get across the river, each place you set your foot will be yours.”

While this  news made Joshua finally happy about having such big feet, he was a little disappointed that the Lord hadn’t offered to part the Jordan River for him like he  parted the Red Sea for Moses.

While Joshua was looking around for something to make a boat out of (where was Noah when you needed him!), he also sent two spies to spy on the City of Jericho.  Why?  Nobody knows, but more importantly, nobody cares.

When the spies got to Jericho they went directly to Rahab — a lady who was a native Jericho-ian who didn’t smoke or drink.  But when the king found out about the two spies, Rahab told the spies to hide on the roof of her house because apparently in those days nobody ever looked up.

Then the Lord gave Joshua his secret recipe for “taking” the city of Jericho.

 Jericho Wall Crumb Cake

Ingredients

2 armies

7 priests

7 rams horns trumpets

1 Ark of Covenant (See Lord for details)

10,000  vocal chords

Gather one army; pour into Jericho; march vigorously around city.   Add layer of seven priests blowing ram’s horn trumpets.  Carefully fold in one Ark of Covenant.  Top off with second layer of Army.  Stir for six days.  Cool heels. On day seven scream at top of lungs with 10,00 vocal chords while mixing in trumpet-blaring priests until Jericho walls are crumbly; (serves them right).

And then Joshua went on to  destroy the entire city as an offering to the Lord, being careful not to destroy anything made of silver, gold, bronze or iron which went into the Lord’s treasury — along with a nice big piece of Jericho Wall Crumb Cake, of course!

“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, but that Jericho Wall Crumb Cake is really hard to digest.”

And there you have it, Dear Readers!  This week’s installment of the Bible According to Gregory.  Be sure to check back next Sunday for the further adventures of The Bible According To Gregory.

Until next time  . . . I love you

Trifecta Writing Challenge: Mrs. MacSmathers Makes a Phone Call

This week’s Trifecta writing challenge is to write between 33 and 333 words using the third definition of the word intention:

3a : what one intends to do or bring about
b : the object for which a prayer, mass, or pious act is offered

Mrs. MacSmathers Makes a Phone Call

Mrs. MacSmathers had no intention of calling unwanted attention to herself. Heaven forbid!  Hadn’t she always prided herself on her refined good manners and ladylike behavior?

But somehow wherever Mrs. MacSmathers went or whatever Mrs. MacSmathers did, she was always managing to call unwanted attention to herself.

Take yesterday for instance, when it started raining step ladders over Mrs. MacSmathers’ house (and nobody else’s as far as she could tell).

Mrs. MacSmathers placed an emergency call to the  International Weather Bureau to report it.

“International Weather Bureau.   Larry MacLathers speaking.  How may I help you?”

“Mr. MacLathers, this is Mrs. MacSmathers over in DanRathers?  And something really weird is happening here.”

“Yes, what seems to be the problem, Mrs. MacSmathers?”

“Well, you see, it’s raining at my house but not at anyone else’s house.”

“Hmm. . . that’s  unusual,  Mrs. MacSmathers, but not entirely unheard of.”

“But you don’t understand,” said Mrs. MacSmathers.  “It’s raining ladders, Larry, . . . . ladders!

“Ladders Mrs. MacSmathers?  What kind of ladders?” asked Larry MacLathers.

“Step Ladders.” replied Mrs. MacSmathers.

“Hmm. . . now that is weird.  I don’t know what to make of that.  I better get my supervisor, Mr. VonBladders.  Can I put you on hold, Mrs. MacSmathers?”

“Certainly.”

“Mrs. MacSmathers?”

“Yes.”

“This is Mr. VonBladders, Larry MacLathers’ supervisor.   Sorry to hear about your ladders, Mrs. MacSmathers, but there’s really nothing we can do about it.  After all, we only report the weather, we don’t cause it. Ha ha! The Eyewitness News is on the way to your house right now.  And you are going to be on the 6:00 news tonight Mrs. MacSmathers!  How about that?  . . . Mrs. MacSmathers? . . . Mrs. MacSmathers are you still there?”

But Mrs. MacSmathers had dropped the receiver to run into the bathroom to fix her hair before the Channel 7 Eyewitness news arrived.

For as we have already said, Mrs. MacSmathers had no intention of calling unwanted attention to herself. Heaven forbid!

The shy, retiring Mrs. MacSmathers of DanRathers.

***

Until next time . . . I love you