The Real(ish) Story of St. Patrick

Hi everybody!  Oh what a wonderful week it was in our little neck of Words!  All you WP buddies are all so much fun to hang out with!  I feel like I was born under a lucky star!  And with that in mind, and since tomorrow is St. Patrick’s day, what better time to rerun this Real(ish) Story of St. Patrick!

The Real(ish) Story of St Patrick!

Of course everyone knows that St. Patrick is the patron saint of four-leaf clovers because he was partial to the color green.  But there are other little known facts about St. Patrick that the average person might not know.

For instance, back in the days when St. Patrick was alive, they had a lot of snakes slithering around Ireland.  It was really gross.  The whole place just gave you the heebie-jeebies.  As a matter of fact, that is why the Irish Jig was invented – to keep from stepping on them. But that’s another story I haven’t made up yet.

Irish Jig Dancers performing the “Get a load of the size of that one!” twirling leap

Anyway, St. Patrick, who happened to not like snakes very well, decided to take it upon himself to rid the entire continent of Ireland of them. He set about doing this by writing down some goals and sticking them up on the village mirror and by repeating them over and over whenever he had some spare time.

“Six slippery snakes slid slowly seawards . . . six slippery snakes slid slowly seawards . . . “

It must have worked because St. Patrick is credited, history-wise, with getting the entire population of Ireland totally onboard with Christianity, foods that are magically delicious, red hair, and snake ridding.

But it was the snake ridding that really got his name in print. The story goes somewhat but not very much like this:

You see, St. Patrick was nothing if not charming. He had it all, looks, a winning personality and a flashy carriage to cruise around in.  This is a guy who had powers of persuasion up the yin and/or yang.  In fact, when it came to getting his way, St. Patrick would have made Donald Trump look like a fat guy with funny hair — if he hadn’t already been one.

So St. Patrick, being a man of the cloth, (he had a huge and impressive cloth collection) decided that everyone hopping around all the time trying to side step snakes was depleting the citizenry of their usual vim.  (Vigor hadn’t been invented yet.)

It was obvious something needed to be done, post-haste.  And so he decided to “charm” the snakes out of Ireland.  He started by inviting them all over to his house, under the guise of celebrating St. Patrick’s Day and began charming the pants off them (in those days Irish snakes wore plaid pants with little matching berets).

He did this by slathering the blarney on pretty thick and following up with a plethora of pandering and topped off with a prodigious pitcher of empty promises.  Pat was pretty proud.

Then, when he realized he was running low on straws for the rum and cokes, he quickly herded his limbless revelers outside and managed to lure them over the White Cliffs of Dover where they toppled, snake-like, into the sea. All dead as doornails (albeit very large doornails).

And of course, we all know what happened next — St. Patrick painted the White Cliffs of Dover green to commemorate the occasion.

So next time you have a Happy St. Patrick’s Day, you’ll know why.

Until next time . . . I love you

24 thoughts on “The Real(ish) Story of St. Patrick

  1. …and so, Linda Vernon continues the noble works of St. Pat, by slathering the most exquisite blarney on her corned beef, and occasionally breaking out the twinkletoes for a commemorative flash-mob jig.
    Great story, and happy St Pats, Linda!

  2. It sounds like Ole Patty boy copied the Pied Piper – since I’m sure the Pied Piper was around before the 4th Century (how the heck do I know this?). Side note – I think if Jackie was around back then she would’ve done her amazing Russian dance to lead the snakes away. Well, “lead” is a strong word. Maybe they would slither off in the other direction due to cultural confusion?

    • Ha ha! I’m picturing that picture you just painted for me Erin. I’m seeing the air full of little tiny snake berets kicked off by Jackie’s Russian dancing. Thank you for giving me a great idea for my next St. Patrick’s day post! :)

  3. Hi,
    Happy St. Patrick’s Day, and a really good story as well. I always wondered why the Irish dancers lifted their legs so high, now I know. :D

  4. hahaha! “Vigor hadn’t been invented yet.” “In those days Irish snakes wore plaid pants with little matching Berets.”
    I’m so glad I have your blog to turn to when I need a little pick me up! It’s always funny in the most unexpected ways! Thanks, Linda!

  5. Well, if I’m ever in a thrift shop and come across a pair of little plaid pants with only one leg, I’ll know it was previously owned by a snake.

    Which is helpful, since I’ll be able to haggle and get a reduced price… : )

    • Ha ha! Yes you may be able to hagglie the price of the one-legged pants, but I bet they’ll charge you full price for the matching beret. Cause it would fit Barbie or Ken which makes it more desireable.

  6. I would love to have had your creative story telling skills when I had my children…and grandchildren…I could make up a wee story but nothing as exciting as you do. What a gift! Diane

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