Hello Dear Readers! As you may know, this blog sometimes takes it upon itself to attempt to cheer up America’s most bummed-out pen-pusher, Edgar Allan Poe.
It seems Edgar just got back from a much needed vacation at the House of Usher. Let’s ask him how it went, shall we?
Hey Edgar! How was your vacation?
During the whole of a dull, dark, and soundless day in the autumn of the year, when the clouds hung oppressively low in the heavens . . .
Oh sorry to hear you didn’t have very good weather. I hope you managed to get outdoors a little bit anyway.
I had been passing alone, on horseback, through a singularly dreary tract of country . . .
Oh great! Then you got in some horseback riding. Good for you!
. . . as the shades of the evening drew on, within view of the melancholy House of Usher.
Did it actually say “melancholy” in the brochure? And you chose it anyway? What were you thinking?
. . . and at length found myself, as the shades of the evening drew on, within view of the melancholy House of Usher . . .
You should have turned right around and gone home, Edgar. For heavens sake, Edgar, for once in your life use that over-sized-melon brain of yours to do something besides scare and depress yourself.
I know not how it was –but,
Oh now you’re just making excuses!
. . .with the first glimpse of the building, a sense of insufferable gloom pervaded my spirit.
Oh don’t pretend like you didn’t like it, Eddy. I’m beginning to think you live for that kind of thing.
I say insufferable; for the feeling was unrelieved by any of that half-pleasurable, because poetic, sentiment . . .
Edgar! Your not making any sense. Calm down! Here breath into this paper bag.
with which . . . gasp . . . the mind usually receives even the . . . gasp . . . sternest natural images of the desolate . . .gasp . . . or terrible. . . . gasp
Okay that’s not working. Hang tough, Ed, I’m going to go see if I can find your laudanum. Where’s your medicine cabinet?
–upon the bleak walls –upon the vacant eye-like windows –upon a few rank sedges —
Okay, well, I’ll look in all three places. Just sit down and try to stay calm.
. . .and upon a few white trunks of decayed trees . . .
Okay, okay! I’ll look there too.
. . . .with an utter depression of soul which I can compare to no earthly sensation more properly than to the after-dream of the reveller upon opium . . .
Opium!! Okay that does it. Get in the car. I’m taking you to rehab.
. . . there was an iciness, a sinking, a sickening of the heart –an unredeemed . . .
Get in the back seat. Watch your head!
. . .dreariness of thought which no goading of the imagination could torture into . . .
Yeah, yeah, whatever you say Eddie . . . buckle in!
What was it –I paused to think –what was it that so unnerved me in the contemplation of the House of Usher?
I don’t know, Edgar, but for next year’s vacation, why don’t you do us all a favor and just plan to go to Hawaii?
Until next time . . . I love you