Welcome Dear Readers. Good News! We’re going to get old! We’re going to die! And it’s going to be so much frigging FUN!
And all because of AARP. Everybody’s “Getting Old and Dying” BFF!
In fact! I think we should click on The Stars and Stripes Forever before we continue and take a moment to celebrate this inevitability, not only in our hearts, but also, in our ears as well because, after all, the word “hear” is just the word “heart” without the “t’.
Are you ready for the “Getting Old and Dying” AARP good news?
Before we continue, I have to issue a word of caution: Those of you who AARP has pegged as “getting old and dying” need to be warned that AARP is pretty sure this news is going to blow your orthopedic socks off your crippled, bunion-covered feet!
The Drumroll Please!
I don’t know how the Vernon Family will celebrate getting money from my AARP Whole Life Insurance once I’m dead, but I kind of hope it’s with a Hootenanny or at the very least a HootenGranny. (Sorry for the bad joke, I’m old, I’m going to die and my bunions are killing me!)
But wait! There’s more! Included in this AARP Life Insurance offer is this inexplicable AARP Medicare Supplement Plan Brochure:
I don’t know what to make of this, Dear Readers. Why do these two people represent a team? And why are they playing softball with a grapefruit?
Oh! Perhaps AARP is just messing with my pre-posthumous synapses yet again? (Oh that AARP, always with the jokes! Hahaha!)
Oh wait . . . maybe the two people represent an Ebony and Ivory thing! That would be apropos, I suppose, because, I don’t know about you, Dear Readers, but the song Ebony and Ivory, does make me want to die.
Now don’t worry if you are having trouble wrapping your posthumous-synapsed brain around any of the AARP’s “Growing Old and Dying” money-making offers. They’ve anticipated your confusion and have provided a solution:
Now doesn’t that sound like fun? In fact, I think you’ll have to agree that nobody puts the FUN in Funeral like AARP, nobody!
Until next time . . . I love you